Three weeks on from the final whistle, colleagues report that Abdulazeez Abdulrafiu has communicated his feelings on the matter exclusively through prolonged eye contact and a faint, knowing smile. Experts say this may continue indefinitely.
It has now been twenty-three days since England defeated France, and sources within the Accounting Collaboration squad confirm that Abdulazeez Abdulrafiu has not said a single word about it. This, colleagues warn, is far worse than if he had.
"He just looks at us," said one French colleague who asked not to be named. "He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. He has a face that says everything and a mouth that says 'Yup.' It is a very efficient system and I hate it."
In the days immediately following the match, Abdulazeez was observed entering meetings with an expression described by witnesses as "professionally neutral but cosmically smug." When asked directly for a comment on the result, he reportedly replied: "All clear." The meeting then continued as normal. Nothing was clear.
A particularly harrowing incident occurred on Thursday, when a French colleague made the mistake of mentioning the word "football" in a Slack message. Abdulazeez responded eleven minutes later with a single word. That word was "Merci." No further context was provided. No further context was needed.
Psychologists consulted by this newspaper suggest that Abdulazeez may have developed what they term "advanced gloating minimalism" -- a technique whereby a person communicates total domination while appearing entirely unbothered. "It is extraordinarily effective," said Dr. Helene Brouchard of the Institut Pasteur, before remembering she is French and declining further comment.
At press time, Abdulazeez was seen nodding slowly at nothing in particular. Nearby, a French flag wilted of its own accord.
Project Management
Engineer Completes Week Five. It Was Week Six. Estimates Described as "Widely a Bit Off."
Our Business Correspondent
In a statement distributed to the squad on Tuesday, Abdulazeez Abdulrafiu confirmed he had been operating inside the wrong sprint week for an undisclosed period of time. "I still have no idea how I managed to mix things up," he wrote. The estimates he provided during this parallel reality were, by his own assessment, "widely a bit off." Pennylane has since quietly renumbered the sprint cycle to match Abdulazeez's version.
Religion & Culture
Man Declares Himself Spiritually Romanian; Romanian Embassy Responds Same Day With Passport
Foreign Desk
Upon learning that Romanian colleagues receive an additional bank holiday for Orthodox Easter, Abdulazeez Abdulrafiu announced, without apparent irony, "looks like I'm spiritually Romanian." Later that afternoon, the Romanian Embassy delivered a passport to his desk by courier. No application had been filed. No explanation was given. The holiday was approved.
Health & Transport
Man Discovers He Is Allergic to the Paris Metro; Metro Has Since Stopped Running That Line
Transport Correspondent
Abdulazeez Abdulrafiu informed colleagues on Monday that he had "discovered yesterday that there's something in or around the metro" to which he may be allergic. The RATP issued a brief statement acknowledging the situation and suspended service on the affected line pending further review. Doctors confirm the allergy is real. The metro has chosen, out of respect, not to aggravate it.